The Coronavirus joke thread

[VladTepes]

I heard that John Travolta had Coronavirus.
Luckily it was a misdiagnosis and he just has a case of Saturday Night Fever.
So he's stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

[VladTepes]

Buckingham Palace have denied reports that Prince Charles is in bed with Covid 19 and his brother Prince Andrew is in bed with Jennifer 14

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My electric fan has got coronavirus. Its in self-oscillation


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"Thank you very much" I shouted through the letterbox, "Just leave the groceries on the doorstep and I'll take them in when you've gone".
"Stop pissing around" shouted the wife, "and let me in the house"

[Mick_J]

    Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.
Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.
Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under

[Notty]

2020, the year when my bin went out more than I did.

[Notty]

.

[Mick_J]

Quite like this. 

[Notty]

.

[Taniwha]

One of the better Covid songs to come out I reckon.
Beats a bunch of over paid arseholes singing some other arseholes songs from the (exceptional) comfort and luxury of thier palatial multi million dollar mansions.

Language is a bit fruity.

SnBtOPUMyqU

[Batkwaka]

I'll be just fine, I only have Motorcycles and its a Car-Owner Virus!

[Notty]

Is this the valleys girl you met Hooli?  or is it one of Micks girls?

[Hooli]

Haha I didn't meet them, just being in the same valley was enough to know that's a bad idea!

[DP1400]

Can`t help wondering how the bloke got her through the front door.....

[Hooli]

Can`t help wondering how the bloke got her through the front door.....

Piece of cake.

[Hooli]

@Notty I see the talent has improved in the valleys recently.

https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/sheep-mcdonalds-ebbw-vale-lockdown-18114243

[SheepDog]

Can`t help wondering how the bloke got her through the front door.....

.... or the garage door. 
Maybe after a dozen schooners, she could be a good catch.
Please don't let her be on top.