some good bad jokes

[GSXKING]

I was going to post this on the thread about Climate change BS.

[Hooli]

I bought a vinyl record yesterday called "Sounds Wasps make".
When I got home and played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound anything like wasps."
Then I realised, I was playing the bee side..

[Pommeroy]

At the funeral of her husband, a man asks the bereaved wife "Do you mind if I say a word?"

"No, go ahead", she replies.

He stands, clears his throat, says "Plethora", and sits down.

"Thanks", she says, "that means a lot."

[Tony Nitrous]

[Hooli]

I saw a baguette in a cage at the zoo yesterday.
The keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

[GSXKING]

DOH 

[grog]

Me and my wife have been married for 35 years

and I've never let her look into the safe.

Last week, when I went to the market she looked in the safe.

When I got back she said:

Wife:  I looked into the safe

Me: I told you not to look in the safe

Wife: There's $4,000 in cash in there & three eggs! What are the eggs for?

Me: Well I'll be honest, every time I shagged somone else's wife, I put an egg in the safe.

Wife: That's not bad in 35 years is it?

Me: No, but when I get a dozen, I sell them - and that's where the money comes from!

[Pommeroy]

Schrödinger is happily driving along, when a traffic cop pulls him over.
The cop opens a box in the boot and says "Do you know there's a dead cat in this box?"
Schrödinger says, "Well, I do now!!!"

[Hooli]

Breaking Scientific News
Marine genetic biologists have just created a dolphin with legs.
Animal rights groups are demanding the legs be removed...

But the biologists say that would defeet the whole porpoise.

[grog]

Whats round and bites?
A vicious circle.

[Hooli]

Did you hear about the deaf kid being bullied?

Neither did he.

[Pommeroy]

The definition of ambivalence...your mother-in law rides your 14 off a cliff.

[Hooli]

Definition of a drawing pin.

Smartie with an erection.




Definition of a peanut M&M.

Pregnant Smartie.

[Pommeroy]

Riding home with this evening and a cop pulls me over. "Papers" he says, sticking his hand out. "Scissors" I said, then rode off.
He must really want another game, as he's been following me for 45 mins.

[Hooli]

Why is a wife like a hand grenade?

Remove the ring & your house is gone