For those with a DARK sense of humour

[VladTepes]

May be offensive, no complaints will be entertained.
Certainly no offence intended, but stop reading now if easily offended.


dark
Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" "To the morgue." "What? But I'm not dead yet!" "And we're not there yet."

I'll never forget my Granddad's last words to me just before he died... " Are you still holding the ladder?"

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I'm digging in our garden.

What animal has five legs? A pit-bull returning from a playground.

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them and now it's a sensitive subject.

I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job" do it at home and your "destroying evidence".

My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgemental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn't have a home page.

What is the difference between Iron man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

You can't say that Hitler was entirely bad. After all, he did kill Hitler.
(but then again he also killed the man who killed Hitler)

In ICU
Patient sighs: "Doctor.... when.... do you think... I can get out?"
Doctor, looking at monitors: "We need to wait a bit more, at least till the lines flatten out."

darker:

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. By the way - that's a verb, not adjective.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

Nice afternoon in Grand Canyon. A man is having a stroll along the edge and spots a small boy, sitting alone in a picnic area, crying. A basket is next to him, with some food in it. Also some plates and some items of food have been taken out. He looks both ways, but can not see anyone else. Then he approaches the boy and asks: "What is wrong, young man?"
The boy explains through tears: "Mommy and daddy started shouting, and then mommy grabbed daddy and daddy grabbed mommy and they were pushing and shouting and mommy stepped over the edge and fell and daddy went with mommy and they have still not come back."
"Oh my, you are having really a bad day today," says the man, unzipping his pants.


VERY dark

When a women removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye. But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit...

Sparkly water was invented by the Germans. Who else would think of adding gas?

[GSXKING]

I'm not offended by any of those jokes Vlad 👍
I was raised in a household watching love thy neighbour & steptoe & son , Benny Hill, The Two Ronnie's, Billy Connolly etc etc

This is normal humour as far as I'm concerned

You need to know the difference between a verb & an adjective also 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Kiwifruit]

But wait there's more 

[Hooli]

None of these are offensive, you lot need to try harder.

[GSXKING]

Funnily enough the new Jimmy Carr standup on Netflix is very close to the line, maybe on or over it some occasions and as the show goes on it ramps up. Bobbie was in fits of laughter and I had to pause the show quite a few times as we both had tears in our eyes. 

[Kiwifruit]

I see Jim Jeffries is coming here next year. Might test the waters with a couple of UTube clips before getting the boss a ticket.

[DP1400]

No prizes for spotting the new boy in the pic....

[froudy]

None of these offend me. I get sent far worse by my Brother in law and ex workmates

Keep 'em coming

[MarkN]

As Steve Hughes once said, So what if you're offended, nothing happens. These made me laugh, more please 

[Tony Nitrous]

[GSXKING]

 

Now those are funny 😂

[grog]

 

[Tony Nitrous]

T

[Mick_J]

Nothing offensive to see, those last few pics were brilliant.

[Eric GSX1400K3]

Economics 101