more good bad jokes

[VladTepes]

How do navy personnel organise their computer files?
Ship stuff goes in directly the C drive
Submarine stuff goes in a sub folder

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I was raised by horses.
Odd, I know, but I had a stable childhood.

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Do you think Neil Armstrong went to parties and told bad jokes about the moon?
And when no-one laughed, he said, "I guess you had to be there."

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Paper jam is the least delicious of all preserves.

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I bought a greyhound. My mate asked me if I was going to race him.
I said, "No way, he is way too fast for me."

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Q: What did the horse say when it fell?
A: "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

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Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with jelly?
A: The collie wobbles!

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Q: You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe right beside you, and a lion nipping at your heels. What do you do?
A: Get off the carousel when it stops.

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As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

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I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared.
It was the biggest wave I'd ever seen.

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I arrived early at the restaurant. The manager said, "Do you mind waiting a little bit?"
I said, "No."
He said, "take these drinks to table seven."

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A Genie granted me one wish.
So I said, "I just want to be happy."
Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and work down a mine.

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Just had my Christmas dinner.
Those slow cookers are crap.

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One day Thor rode down the Rainbow Bridge from Asgard on his mighty steed. He raised his hammer high and yelled, "I;, Thor!"
To which the mighty steed replied, "Of course you are thilly, you forgot your thaddle."

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When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

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Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.

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Knock! Knock!
Q. Who's there?
A. Control Freak.
Q. Con...
A. Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?"

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Mum: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
Son: I don't know, love you, talk to you later.
Mum: OK, I will ask your sister.

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Good friends are like expensive bottles of wine....that's why I keep mine locked in the cellar.

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They say there is one person in every group of friends that has the potential to be a serial killer. So I pushed my best mate off a cliff in case it was him!

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I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.