It's funny AND it's true - cracker of an obituary

[VladTepes]

Rather than read the precis article here. the full text from here is much better....

Terry Ward

Born: December 31, 1946

Died: January 23, 2018

Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

Terry is survived by his overly-patient and accepting wife Kathy, who was the love of his life (a fact she gladly accepted sympathy for during their 48 years of marriage). He is also survived by daughters Rebecca (William) Hines and Jean (Jeff) Lahm; sister, Linda; brother, Phil; grandchildren: Alexander and Hannah Hines (The Mesopotamians), Daphne and Erin Pistello (The Daffer and Peanut), Brendan and Owen Lahm (Phineas and Ferb) and Tessa McMurry (Smiley).

He is preceded in death by his parents Paul and Bernice Ward, daughter Laura Pistello, grandson Vincent Pistello, brother Kenneth Ward, a 1972 Rambler and a hip.

Terry graduated from Thornridge High School in South Holland, IL, where only three of his teachers took an early retirement after having had him as a student. He met the love of his life, Kathy, by telling her he was a lineman – he didn't specify early on that he was a lineman for the phone company, not the NFL. Still, Kathy and Terry wed in the fall of 1969, perfectly between the Summer of Love and the Winter of Regret.

Terry volunteered his service in the United States Army and was an active combat Veteran in the Viet Nam War.

He retired from AT&T (formerly Ameritech, formerly formerly Indiana Bell) after 39 years of begrudging service, where he accumulated roughly 3,000 rolls of black electrical tape during the course of his career (which he used for everything from open wounds to "Don't use this button" covers).

He enjoyed many, many things.  Among those things were hunting, fishing, golfing, snorkeling, ABBA, hiking Turkey Run, chopping wood, shooting guns, Bed Bath & Beyond, starlight mints, cold beer, free beer, The History Channel, CCR, war movies, discussing who makes the best pizza, The Chicago White Sox, old Buicks, and above all, his family.

He was a renowned distributor of popsicles and ice cream sandwiches to his grandchildren. He also turned on programs such as "Phineas and Ferb" for his grand-youngins, usually when they were actually there.

He despised "uppity foods" like hummus, which his family lovingly called "bean dip" for his benefit, which he loved consequently. He couldn't give a damn about most material things, and automobiles were never to be purchased new. He never owned a personal cell phone and he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.

Terry died knowing that The Blues Brothers was the best movie ever, (young) Clint Eastwood was the baddest-ass man on the planet, and hot sauce can be added to absolutely any food.

Tremendous and heartfelt thanks go to the truly exceptional nurses at Southlake Methodist Hospital Neuro-Intensive Care Unit, who provided much more than nursing care for Terry, but also provided a peaceful and compassionate environment during his transition from this life to the next.

Friends can visit with the family on Saturday, January 27, from Noon until the time of the Funeral Service at 4:00 PM, with Pastor Mark Wilkins officiating, at Geisen Funeral, Cremation & Receptions Centre, 606 E. 113th Ave., Crown Point, IN. Services will conclude at the funeral home.

Memorial donations in Terry's name can be made to your favorite charity or your favorite watering hole, where you are instructed to tie a few on and tell a few stories of the great Terry Ward.

    Terry.

[grog]

sort of reminds me of me.

[Red Biker]

Yeah, I'd be happy with that as an Obit, things were much simpler back in the day!

[lil4399]

"Terry died knowing that The Blues Brothers was the best movie ever, (young) Clint Eastwood was the baddest-ass man on the planet, and hot sauce can be added to absolutely any food."

That could quite easily go on mine.   

[gsxbarmy]

Brilliant line that, superb!!!

I still like the top 6 from celebrity headstones a few years ago

Spike Milligan      "I told you I was ill"
Oscar Wilde         "Either those curtains go or I do"
Frank Sinatra       "The best is yet to come"
Mel Blanc             "That's all folks"
Frank Carson        "What a way to lose weight"
Winston Churchill  "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter"

[Mick_J]

I like the last words of Stan Laurel.


Just minutes away from death, Laurel told his nurse he would not mind going skiing right at that very moment.

Somewhat taken aback, the nurse replied that she was not aware that he was a skier.

"I'm not," said Laurel, "I'd rather be doing that than this!"

A few minutes later the nurse looked in on him again and found that he had died quietly in his armchair

[grog]

Spike Milligan, just love that quote.

[Globalrider]

There are a few good one in the old Tombstone Cemetery - Always like this one!

Here Lies Lester Moore
Four Slugs from a 44
No Les No More