More of the same

[lil4399]

A biker goes into a supermarket and buys:

1x tin of beans
1x packet of crisps
1x pint of milk
1x toilet roll
1x sausage roll

He then takes them over to the checkout and the girl looks at what he has bought and asks the bloke if he is single.

The bloke says sarcastically, YES!!!! How did you guess ??

The girl replies, You're an ugly b**tard !!!!!!

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Q, Why do blonde's leave empty milk bottle's in the fridge ?

A, In case anybody asks for black coffee!!!!!!

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Q... why are hurricanes given women's names?
Because when you first get together they are all wet and wild and when they leave your house and car are gone

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Guy shops for toys before Christmas. As he peruses the various Barbie dolls, the shop attendant explains:

- Here we have Winter Sports Barbie, £37, then Explorer Barbie, £56 with the Range Rover, and Barbecue Barbie for £32, here is Divorcee Barbie for £224, and Dancing Barbie for £44...

The client interrupts:

- Wait a minute... Two hundred and twenty-four pounds for Divorcee Barbie, you said?

- Well, have to know that she comes with Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's house, Ken's GSX 1400...

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Why are mopeds like fat girls?
They're fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your mates to find out...

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A military advisor rushed into Trump's office & said "Sir, three Brazillian soldiers have been killed in Iraq!"

Trump says "My God, that's terrible"..........he then turns to the aide stood next to him and asks "how many in a Brazillion?"
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Two men walk into a pet shop in Co Galway

They head to the bird section, and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of Connor's Pass.

At Connor's Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Damn dat. Dis budgie jumping is too bloody dangerous for me!"

THERE'S MORE

Moments later, Seamus arrives up at Connor's Pass. He's been to the pet shop too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff, carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hi, Paddy, Watch dis" Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down, until he hits the bottom, and breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrot-shooting either!"

..... IT'S NOT OVER YET

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends, when Sean O'Driscoll appears.

He's also been to the pet shop, and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean O'Driscoll then hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down, until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head in disbelief,

"Damn dat, lads. Dese adventure sports are too dangerous for me....

first dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping....

den Seamus parrot-shooting.....

and now Sean and his bloody hen gliding!"

[Mick_J]

Now I know why you moved to France 

[Gegs]

Tat's 5 minutes of my life I'm never EVER getting back