non PC-jokes

[VladTepes]

I was going through a few magazines the  other day down at the local Mosque.

I was really enjoying myself.






Then the rifle jammed.

[VladTepes]

Did you hear about the woman who got timber breast implants?

This joke would be better if it had a punchline.

Wooden tit?


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didja hear about the woman who wanted the breast enlargement? mentioned it to her hubby, he said "rub toilet paper between them coupla times a day" she said: "hows that work" he said "dunno, but it worked on yer arse".

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Without Nipples Boobs Would Be Pointless

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The reason they are called boobs is because:

B is for how they look looking down from above
oo is how they look from the front
b is how they look from the side

(  .  Y  .  )


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[Tony Nitrous]

Paedophile's are evil people who should be dealt with.

.... but credit where credits due, they always slow down for school zones!

[Tony Nitrous]

I've always wondered what it would be like to star in my own zombie movie, so I went down to my local old peoples home, stole all the wheel chairs and walking aids, then set the fire alarm off and waited outside with a shovel and a cricket bat

[KiwiCol]

That's funny, mean, but funny!

[Kiwifruit]

That first one Vlad.......

[froudy]

Forty gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Transit vans and caravans
St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up GOD, saying:
'I've got 40 travellers here. Can I let them in?'
GOD replies 'We are over our quota on Pikeys.
Go back out to the Pearly Gates and tell them to choose among them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in.'
Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to GOD again.
'They've gone', he tells GOD.
'What?' says GOD, 'All 40 of them?'
'No,  the Pearly Gates'.

[Tony Nitrous]

A couple in there 90's try oral sex for the 1st time. He goes down on her and as soon as he goes down he pops straight back up again. He sez "i'm sorry but i can't, it fucking stinks down there!". She thinks and says "it must be the arthritas".

He then sez "you don't get arthritas down there, and even if you did it would'nt smell that bad!"

 She then said"you don't understand, i've got arthritas in my shoulder. I can't wipe my arse!"

[KiwiCol]

Bloody hell!!!

[Tony Nitrous]

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.


Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they're bound to be curious about sex at that age."


"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

[Tony Nitrous]

I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off!"





Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"

He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'

[Tony Nitrous]

Bloke walks into a pub, orders a double whisky and downs it in one.

"Another", he says to the bar man and throws that one straight back too. "Another", and then he does the same again, followed by a fifth double whisky.

"Look", says the bar man, "I don't object to serving you these drinks but you're throwing them back at a hell of a rate - what's up?"

"First blow job today", replies the man. "

Ah, congratulations!" says the barman, "In that case the next double is on the house!"

"No thanks, replies the man, "if five of them don't take the taste away, nothing will".

[ARH]

   brought a smile to my face in what would have been a very dull day at work!

[GSXKING]

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