Banned from Tesco's

[gsxbarmy]

I was talking to a pensioner friend the other night and he told me of an episode that befell him as follows:-

"I have been banned from Tesco's " he said.

  "Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pets, and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant ? So since I am retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that "no I didn't have a dog and that I was starting the dog diet again". I added that I probably shouldn't because I had ended up in hospital last time, but I had lost 10 kilos before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that nearly everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story). Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me ? I told her "no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setters arse and a car hit me". I thought the guy behind me was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I am now banned from Tesco".

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

[coldhands]

mental

[Kiwifruit]

Thats just great, i love that sort of humour.

[Notty]

 

[Mrg]

just read this out to all my section guys and there pissing them self lol top tale that 

[Bigkahunaburger]

 

[wigwham]

Got to laugh its great crack for the retired gent.

[Kiwifruit]

I'm still laughing........ 

[Globalrider]

brilliant!
Stan

[ARH]

Thanks..... now I've got to wipe bloody tea off my iPad!   The other half is looking at me as if I've lost it 😂

[Nellywelly]

Love it!!! 

[Sweaty]

Sitting in the airport lounge at HK laughing my arse off.
I love it 

[Red Biker]

Thought that was going to end with a humping leg line but surprised me there Dave 👍

[Del]

My office is deathly quiet - Everyone is staring at as Im trying in vain to stifle my guffaws