Good bad jokes

[VladTepes]

Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually.
It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

Horses are equipped with higher security than other animals.
They have fore locks

A courtroom artist was arrested today. The details are sketchy

My friend was doing a painting job, but expectantly had to be taken to hospital.
The doctor me he was overworked, and had too many strokes.

Q. What comes out of a corn flake packet at 100 miles an hour?
A. Weevil Kenevil.

The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought, "this changes everything".

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around

I saw a guy drive his expensive car into a tree and found out how a Mercedes bends.

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

It is so amazing the sort of stuff you can order on Amazon now.
I ordered an egg and a chicken, just to see what would come first.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

I was walking down the street and saw a sign in a store window that said
"Help Wanted" so I ran into the store and yelled out, "What's wrong?!"

A guy walks into a club and takes a seat. Before he can order a drink, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders his drink. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a coke, great choice. You're a smart man." Starting to freak out, the guy says to the waiter "Hey what in the world is going on, this bowl of pretzels keeps saying nice things to me!" Waiter says "Don't worry about it, the pretzels are complimentary."

Latest news is that our company has approached the market for a hug provider.
It's a tender process.

The barman says: "We don't serve faster-than-light particles here." A tachyon enters a bar

[VladTepes]

I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year.
Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage

[Del]

Toyah Wilcox has just found out the name of the man who owns her kicak chinese restruant

its a Mr Wee



Ill get my coat . . . . . . .

[Notty]

I bought my pet duck a Covid 19 mask, nothing fancy................... but it fits the bill.