What do you call a horse who likes arts and crafts?
A hobby horse.
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What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!!
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Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
They say he made a mint.
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Three fish are in a tank.
One asks the others, "How do you drive this thing?"
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What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to be smoking.
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What do you call a three legged donkey?
A wonky
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How do you know when you're going to drown in milk?
When it's past your eyes.
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My aunt's star sign was cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...
She was eaten by a giant crab.
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A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
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My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die.
I said, "Usually an overdose, son."
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a Rottweiler?
Just the Rottweiler.
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A man wakes up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouts, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replies, "I know you can't, I've cut off your arms!"
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What's a dentist's favourite musical instrument?
A tuba toothpaste.
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How do you make anti-freeze?
Take away her blanket.
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What did the Policeman say to his bellybutton?
You're under a vest......
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My friend was annoyed with me for messing with her red wine.
So I added some fruit and lemonade, now she sangria than ever!
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I recently had the privelege of acting in a silent version of "Oliver".
It was brilliant, I could not have asked for more.
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They scoffed when I told them that I had discovered the secret of invisibility.
If they could just see me now...
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My great uncle was a microbiologist during WW2 but he was really unpopular.
He was a germ man.
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Which US state has the tiniest soft drinks?
Mini-soda!!
Where's the best place to buy a football shirt?
New Jersey!
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Why shouldn't you marry a tennis player?
Love means nothing to them...
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Why did the cobbler go to Heaven?
Because he had a good sole!
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Why did the Koala have to shop on ebay?
Because he couldn't find it on Gumtree!
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How do you get two whales in a car?
You start in England and drive west!
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When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
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Can you buy an entire chess set at a pawn shop?
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Did you know that an unemployed jester is nobody's fool?
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2 astronauts were in the space station making their morning coffee on their first day in space.
Astronaut 1: "I can't seem to find any milk up here?"
Astronaut 2: "In space no one can. Here, use cream".
:tumble: :tumble:
I wish i hadn't started reading this......
Btw
Did you hear about the Hyena who ate the Oxo cube?
................................. He became a laughing stock
Christmas cracker jokes... luv em... :rofl2:
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave.
What do you call a man who's unbeatable at cross-country running?
Alan Drover.
I recently bought a toilet brush........ Long story short, I'm going back to toilet paper
C'mon Bri think of the environment :facepalm: