BRITISH HUMOUR
Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?
"No, just here for a few days."
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As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral,
a voice from inside screams:
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,
"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."
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I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.
Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
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After both suffering from depression for a while,
me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.
Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.
So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.
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I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor,
not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.
Then I remembered the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30.
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"Jesus Loves You."
Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.
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Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.
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I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed
a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.
Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked
him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.
He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.
Astonished, I got back into bed.
My wife said "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?"
"You'll never believe what I've just seen!"
I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."
Excellent !! :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2:
:coffeescreen: :rofl3:
Lovely
Brilliant..
I literally laughed out loud !!
Made my day, very good
really really good, made me laugh on this cold day, keep them coming , the parking one cracked me up :rofl2: :clapping:
I especially liked the first one. But then I am biased :coffeescreen:
:rofl2: :rofl2: excellent....
:onya: :clapping: :onya: