To my dear wife.
During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of about once every ten times. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 Times the sheets were clean
17 Times it was too late
49 Times you were tired
20 Times it was too early
15 Times it was too hot
3 Times you said that the neighbours could hear us
23 Times you had a headache
7 Times you were sunburned
9 Times you said your mother would hear us
43 Times you weren't in the mood
17 Times you were afraid of waking the baby
6 Times you were watching the late show
5 Times you didn't want to mess up your hairdo
16 Times you said you were too sore
12 Times it was the wrong time of the month
34 Times you had to get up too early
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory. 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling, 14 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I had finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
To my dear husband
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the real reasons you did not get more than you said you did:
5 Times you came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat
44 Times you did not come home at all
21 Times you didn't come
33 Times you came too soon
19 Times you went soft before you got it in
10 Times your toes were in a cramp
30 Times you worked too late
29 Times you had to get up early to play golf
2 Times you got in a fight and got kicked in the balls
4 Times you got yourself caught in your zipper
3 Times your coffee was too hot and you burned your tongue
3 Times you had a cold and your nose kept running
2 Times you had a splinter in you finger
20 Times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 Times you came in your pyjamas after reading a dirty book
98 Times you were too busy watching football on TV
Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you missed and were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about a crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling". The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breath.
Lol MJ
My wife says she's leaving me as I'm obsessed with my bike!
Can't believe it we've only been together 6,000 miles!!
:rofl2:
Quote from: Red Biker on Tuesday, 11 April 2017, 06:37 PM
Lol MJ
My wife says she's leaving me as I'm obsessed with my bike!
Can't believe it we've only been together 6,000 miles!!
I can relate to that, Red!
Apparently, according to my partner my bike is 'The true love of my life' and I might as well marry it.....
Well, I can't say she is wrong :stir: (I hope she doesn't see this)
I can't see why the 3 of us can't all be happy together! Think it's the Green monster rearing its head.
Although I'm up for a 'Threesum' 😳
The Green Monster, Red ? Have you been reading the Kwaka Sutra ?
:rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2:
that was great :happy1: